Numb Pain
by CloudxKadajLover
Summary: When not even Cloud is able to save Kadaj from his mother, Kadaj decides to take things into his own hands. Kinda emo and tragic, be warned! Rated T for that and slight shonen ai


WARNING!!!: VERY EMO AND TRAGIC!! If you are sensitive, you shouldn't read this it'll probably upset you!!! And even if you aren't, you will most likely be like O.O after reading this. I have NO CLUE AT ALL where this damn idea came from, I wasn't even upset or anything!! But those story bunnies can get pretty persistant so...I wasn't going to put this on here, but I figured aw, what the hell. I DO NOT in the slightest, have anything against Kadaj, I love him very very much and I STILL don't know why I did this to him, so you're just going to have to forgive me. I never have wriiten anything like this, SO PLEASE don't bash it alright? Constructive critism is welcomed though. Like I said, it's very very EMO, don't say I didn't warn you!!! Now go on and read it if you dare!

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The silver haired youth looked out from the cliff, same as he had done a year ago. He had not made to move the buster sword that was in the ground though; he had no reason to. 

Memories flooded through his mind. He saw a cheerful teen within them, that looked quite like him. This beautiful youth would laugh and fool around with his brothers, who also seemed familiar. One had long hair, was slim and tall. He wore a simple smile on his face, and enjoyed books. He was knowledgeable and kept his siblings under control. Then there was the other, with much shorter hair, and quite built. Always trying to figure out how to use a device, or was laughing at the slim brother's sarcasm.

Then there was the youngest brother. He was happy, but had mood swings from time to time. Always asked questions, and bossed the other two siblings around. He enjoyed watching television until a blonde man walked through the door around six from work. The excited youth would get up from the couch and hug the deliveryman, ask him how his day was and what they would eat for dinner. The blue eyed man never hesitated to cook for them, buy them things, make them happy. He spend as much time as he could with the silver haired brothers. So kind and caring he was. They all relied on him and loved him more than he would know. They were just one happy, peaceful family.

It suddenly dawned on Kadaj that _he _was that young, smiling teen in those memories. It was him that would lay on the older swordsman's chest while they watched TV. _He _was the one who would throw a random object at his older brother when he annoyed him, and who would giggle uncontrollably when the spiky-haired man tickled him. But……it couldn't be him. This youth was too happy, too easy going to be him. But the reminiscing remnant knew it was him. Or who he used to be.

That man stood out in his thoughts, and a name came across his mind.

_Cloud Strife._

Or Niisan, as he had once called him.

Kadaj remembered the soldier's gorgeous face, especially when he smiled. How sweet and gentle he always was to the cat eyed youth. They had become so close in only a few months. The youngest sibling grew to love the blonde, more than he had loved anyone. He wished he could have told him sooner and not when he had. He had another chance at life because of this man. Everything was so good…….until that one night. That one night where everything the rebel had gotten used to simply shattered into thousands of pieces, unable to be put back together.

It had started with the nightmares. Flashbacks of his violent past, of Sephiroth. He would be woken up by Cloud shaking him, as he was screaming and covered in a cold sweat. Then tears would fall from his glowing eyes and he would hold on to his Niisan tight, begging him to stay. Those nightmares shook him to his very core and he didn't want to be alone. The swordsman complied and slept with him for awhile, until the nightmares finally stopped.

Then came the random sharp pains in his head, that disrupted his normal routine. This time he wasn't just him though- Yazoo and Loz suffered from the migraines too. Cloud started to become worried, almost scared. The reason why the remnants might have been getting these head pains was because……_she_ was trying to contact them. When the platinum haired men realized this, they became just as fearful. Even more so for Kadaj, who before was the only one who she talked to directly. He did suffer from the worst headaches after all.

After a couple weeks, it all disappeared and they all were relieved. At least for the moment.

Anger and regret swelled within the teen as the memory of that night came into his mind.

He was fast asleep. Not of his control, he woke up and got out of bed. His mother still needed him, she refused to be defeated. The original plan might have failed, but the failure was still useable. But before her youngest son could be used, she needed to rid of the one person that would stop him- Cloud.

Kadaj went toward his closet, looking for something he hadn't touched in months. Finding it, he unsheathed Souba. He proceeded to walk slowly, silently down the short hall toward the blonde's room. It seemed so silent that the youth could hear his heartbeat. He wanted to fight against it, but his legs continued moving closer and closer to the small room.

_'You've grown weaker without my presence. You let that traitor get close to you.'_

_'He's not a traitor. He's a kind person. You wouldn't know.' _

_'It doesn't matter. He won't get in your way.'_

_'Yes he will. He won't let you try and use me.'_

_'He can't if he's dead.' _

_'His geostingma is cured, you can't harm him!'_

_' I didn't say I was the one doing the harming.'_

Turquoise eyes widened as Kadaj realized he was holding Souba steadily in his left hand. It occurred to him what Jenova was planning to make him do.

'_No! I won't let you!'_

He wanted to yell this out but he couldn't seem to find his voice. It didn't matter however, as he felt his hand turn the knob of the door. He crept into the room, looking over the swordsman's sleeping form. He stirred however, and he turned, seeing the dim figure of the teen.

_"Kadaj….?"_

A pair of pale hands brought up the twin blade above Cloud's body, glowing eyes fixed on the opposing blue ones. They widened when they saw what was happening. Kadaj found his voice again and said the only words that he knew the blonde needed to hear.

_"I love you, Niisan."_

Those cerulean jewels widened with surprise and something else, but before he could say a word, the sword came down upon him and he was silenced furthermore.

Tears burned in Kadaj's eyes as he recalled this memory…..how could he let that monster control him and take away what mattered to him the most? How _could_ he? He had fought against her before……..why didn't he do it then?

_'You've grown weaker without my presence. You let that traitor get close to you.'_

"So that's why you used me……you knew I was weak…….so I could become you're little puppet……."

He directed this at her but she didn't seem to respond. He looked down at the Velvet Nightmare, the one he had stolen from Yazoo before coming here. He studied it for a moment before raising it.

'_What are you doing? Put that gun down now! You won't gain anything from this!'_

The youngest remnant smirked coldly.

"Oh, now you care?"

'_You listen to me! I've already had things sorted out for you! There will be ways you can-"_

"Lies. That's all you tell me. I fell for it last time…..I won't do it again."

He brought the weapon so it's end was against his skull.

'_Kadaj, you stop this NOW! Do you hear me? You're brothers can't survive without you!'_

"Exactly. That way we'll all be together again."

'_NO! Don't you dare-'_

"No, Mother. I'm not going to be you're puppet held by strings anymore."

He heard the yells and rushing footsteps of his brothers coming from behind him, and almost cherished the stunned silence that followed after his strong, hateful words. He blinked and a tear made its way down his face.

"Niisan…….I'm coming. I hope you can forgive me."

'_He will never-'_

The sound of a gun shot next to his ear was the last thing Kadaj heard before there was silence. He heard no screams, no yells and that horrid voice was gone. He hadn't even felt the bullet pierce his skull. Slowly, almost carefully, he opened his eyes, squinting at the sudden whiteness. He blinked a few times, and once his eyes had become accustomed to the light, he opened them again. This time, he saw he was looking into bright, beautiful, almost too familiar blue eyes.

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HOLY SHIT! -- that was my reaction, and probably yours as well. . If this upset you, I'm really sorry but I did warn you didn't I? Anyway, while you're staring at your computer screen like O.o mind dropping me a review? Don't be too hard on me please. 


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